When you have to make a conscious decision based on the given circumstances, there are many things you wonder about. For one, you want to make the right decision which you won’t regret later. Likewise, there are other factors that influence you to change your mind for a different outcome. Such a situation is not rare nor is it something that happens to a counting few.
The right decision is always the Right decision. Yes, the so called, age old right path that you have known forever. you start wondering what to do when you want to waver from the absolute choice and do something else because you think it is better or different. Doing something adventurous or doing something new is not what is suggested here not to do. Here, it is about those choices where taking a wrong step will cause you or someone or something damage.
In such situations you hear many voices that come from within you part from suggestions from friends, relatives etc. It is good to hear everyone and best to come to a conclusion and decide on your own. Not because this way you don’t have someone else to be blamed to have influenced you to make the wrong decision but because you know what is best for and what the situation demands. Even if you take a decision suggested by someone else, you yourself are responsible for it because you agreed to it. Do you agree everything that person suggests? Understanding the various voices and its strengths is what you will see here.
One voice is yours. This one knows what you have seen and been through and what you want. This voice may make a desperate action ignoring the sensitivity of the situation. Another voice is from your heart. Similar to your own reasoning voice is the voice of your heart as this knows what you want, which may be materialistic, yet suggests you to go and get it or to do it. Then there is the voice of your experience. This voice has seen time and knows to calm down when required. Listen to it if you believe that it is matured. Being calm, not being tempted and being tolerant are some of its benefits. This voice seems to be one of the most difficult ones to follow as it may also require you to give up for now depending upon the situation and hinting you subconsciously about future opportunities.
There is also a voice of a rebel which tells you to just do what you want come what may. This step may become the most drastic one of your life or the one you may regret for the rest of your life, but the voice of the rebel in you won’t stop. It is advisable to stay calm and try to calm this voice too. You may forget a good decision but a bad decision hurts and affects in the form of guilt, regret and disappointments. Making a collective decision is easy to say but difficult to make. Everyone knows what is best for them. It is while doing those does a thought lingers that suggests that everything is coming your way really easy. It would be more fun if you had some fun getting them, hence the hindrances. Which means you yourself create trouble for yourself because you see easy as boring and don’t see beyond it that life has many challenges once the easy ones are sorted. How far will you go in time if you are messed up at this stage?
Straighten your paths, pick the voice that you already know is the best one even if it looks too easy, too good or totally religious. Just because religious books have it does not mean you don’t do it because you will be laughed at or thought of as uncool. No one has the copyright of good things. Do it no matter what. Religion does not preach it because it is religiously correct but because it is healthy in day to day life. This aspect is mentioned here not to disrespect religion but it is for those who shun away from it or have double thoughts because it is mentioned in a Book. And for those who do the best thing anyway may continue to do so.
It becomes a matter of conflict at times when you have to prove your loyalty to your friend or relative that you are not fooling around with their partner. Suspicion could arise out of reasons or mere insecurities. But as they say, there has to be fire for smoke to emanate. If such is the case then you must take your steps backwards and try to find attention with single and interested people. If you don’t, then chances are that you may lose not just a friend or a relative but also self-control and self-respect.
One deliberately tries to impress the other to get self-gratification. The feeling that no one is too difficult to get and that one may leave their current partner for you gives instant boost to one’s confidence and charm. But the fact is you lose your substance while you are at it. What good comes out of stealing and leaving someone distressed?
Control your charm even if it is over flowing or you see action from the other side because you have to be honest with your friend or relative and more so with yourself. Being strong has no hard and fast rules but by these precautionary measures one is sure to get stronger slow and steady.
Just like a wedding party is planned, a married life is also planned lavishly. You pay detailed attention to the wedding outfit, hall, decoration, guest, etc. to make sure that the day looks perfect. This reflects the mindset, which perceives that the married life is expected to be flawless. Couples expect their married life to have a perfect appearance. In order to achieve the perfect look, many partners imitate the acts to know or feel what they expect to have.
Acting out those acts that seem nice may feel good at first but will leave an incomplete feeling thereafter. Some of these acts include giving a wide smile, looking confidently into each other’s eyes, expecting one to react in a certain way when one makes a particular gesture and so on. Assuming that your partner enjoys what you dream of in the longer run or expecting them to change their dreams as per your expectations is a part and parcel of many married couples with stars in their eyes. Its time you look into marriage as a real relationship and not a fancy movie.
Because you have to live on earth which is not perfect in many ways. We will see some of those expectations and its contrasting realities and try to grasp them in a way that one sees it as it is and not try to shield it with something fancier or false. Starting with complaints. When you have to complain you don’t have to state its reason, circumstances, day, reference, background, reactions, emotions etc. Stating it in a way where you simply tell what you did not like and how you felt is substantial to get you the results that you expect. You want your spouse to understand how you feel about something and that you want them to stop doing it or to do something else. So you would just say that and not drag it till you are sure they have understood.
Everyday life is not as complicated as it seems neither is it ready made for you to sink in. The silence after doing something must be lived with attention. Instead of constantly making efforts to make life special you would also try to live the simple activities that you are required to do as a routine. Everything in married life is not expected to be enjoyed. Most of the things are to be done practically keeping your mind relaxed. All these you learn later in life. Many people learn it the harder way where they accepted it after being disappointed or let down.
Next is fear. Don’t live under constant fear of losing the attention of your partner to someone new or attractive. Does your partner also fear as much? Living together is possible when you keep fears away and live mentally with your spouse and not just physically. You may miss an emotion if you try to please. Emotional input and your actual reaction are the two most important things about a real relationship. It is the only ways for the partner to understand you. For this, you must understand yourself. Accept yourself in terms of what you like, what you don’t like, habits, beauty and limitations.
Saying what you feel about something is important. Not worrying too much after saying it is more important. The aftermath could be controlled by you. There is a lot of communication among a couple. This lifeline should be true and thoughtful. Don’t let your rating of your spouse to alter your words in terms of respect and dignity. Dignity comes in a married life over a period of time. It doesn’t if you have been judging, belittling, trying to get even or pleasing your partner. Just be you. Be yourself right from the beginning without worrying about your togetherness losing its spark because of you being very real and very you. Try to be stronger after being yourself that when the idea of being less attractive hits you, strengthen yourself with sophistication and dignity as this will develop respect and care.
Pleasers may not succeed at pleasing forever and being you may not make togetherness seem too pleasing. But a realistic and truthful attitude will surely create bond, unspoken understanding and love for each other in the longer run. When you want to do something extra, when you are pushing your spouse to treat you specially, when you expect too much, when someone pushes you to do what you don’t feel correct, calm yourself and don’t do anything like that. Wait and wait for a little longer until you feel sane. Know that you are not the only one who has to face this kind of a situation. Everyone goes through it and everyone reacts differently to it. Give yourself time and your spouse the consideration because this is what will give you a reality check into your married life.
If you are always or mostly neutral about events or life occurrences, it could mean that you have not thought of life seriously and do not understand much. You don’t need to be a philosopher but you must try to understand different mindsets, reasons, impact, and reactions. It is definitely not necessary for you to agree with their opinion or reactions; you just need to be aware of its existence.
Is it common when others are discussing about events, you have some thoughts, but can’t completely express them very well? This is one of the results of being uninterested in your surroundings. This could make you feel left out or not taken seriously. Some try to figure things out but when they speak up they are still ignored.
Those who ignore your perspective are either not getting you or are trying to curb your enthusiasm. You must be glad that at least your efforts are coming out. Knowing what is the reality forms the base on which you can set your own well thought rules. Although, most people do what they like to do, some automatically blend or rather suppress their likes as per what others ask them to do.
It is not necessary what someone has told you to do is in your best interest. Sometimes, it could be a door to endless doubts. Ask yourself what you don’t know and don’t just follow the set rules. Find the reason behind your discomfort. This could take you to a world you never knew or fully understood. Isn’t that something you must unwind while you are living in the world? The flip side of not trying to understand the reason and the nature of things is you may end up relying on others.
How could you surely tell that those whom you trust are truly working in your favor or are actually hampering you from growing up? They may or may not be reliable. How will you know if you are not aware of why they are there? Set yourself free with the reality. Be independent. Who knows you may uncover a battle that could be the key to many unknown realities..
You must have heard of the word ‘tact’ before. What does it hint at? Tact brings thoughtfulness and sensitivity to what you do. Almost half of the population wants to do their things their way. Then why have tact in, in the middle of the, ‘my life my rule’ picture?
To begin with, when you work tactfully, you do things that require a great deal of courage for others to do while you have it done playfully not to mention, effortlessly. Here are a few pointers, which sets you on the right mindset. Eat, like no one could smell what you ate. Communicate like no one could sense your mood. Control your acts like no one would take you for a ride thinking that you are being carried away.
Share like no one could point a finger at you and tell you to stop. Understand like no one could doubt your involvement and alertness. Empathize like no one would dare take you for a ride. Cleanse yourself that no one could get a stink from you. Negate what you don’t want to do like they won’t approach you for the same again. Breathe and be calm like no one could ruffle your calm. And know the value of tact like you are ready for life circumstances.
Because when you know the value of it, you would take on any kind of a situation hands-on. With the help of tact, even a lost battle could be enjoyed with grace called sportsmanship and you could walk back not feeling rejected. Your doubts and concerns would be self-analyzed and answered by your own sensibility.